Broken Heart

I am getting ready to jump start my blog again. I need to do this. It will help me heal. Stand by friends... I'm trying. I miss my followers that read my blog from all over the world. I'm definately coming back! Stay tuned!

Painful year

OK,
2009 was the worst year of my life but... 2010 has been a horrific year. I am not dealing with this "single mother" thing very good. I have lost all of my friends. I am still trying to learn how to be like their dad. They need a father figure. The 50+ friends of Den and I promised they would be there for us. I guess they forgot. All of Dens best friends for over 30 years and his family are non-existant. I am grateful for the only family member who keeps in touch with us. Besides my parents, i am grateful that i have my bonus daughter

Hello

hello to all of my blog followers. OK-basically just me. I don't have any followers but this is good for me. I re-arranged my bedroom furniture today and came across a bag with a few things in it. It was the clothes Denny wore to the hospital. The last clothes he wore at our house. The clothes he wore when I called 911. We didn't know that he wasn't coming home. We didn't know that was the last time he got to wear real clothes. It was so painful. I had a major breakdown. His clothes still smell like him. I sealed the bag back up so I can smell him whenever I want to. Well, I realize I am no where close to opening up our closet and seeing all of his clothes and smelling him. One step at a time. Life is so hard. One step at a time.

This is Den when he went to the doctor for a lump on his neck

His 4 children can't accept (just like me why the VA doctors wouldn't help him) The VA doctor specialists were so proud that they are teaching our Government about health care. They bragged that they are Obama care

Hey - It's me

I am back. I am trying to update on a regular basis because it is therapy for me. Also, I had so many followers from around the world at one time but - I lost my husband. 12 days after he was diagnosed with cancer. He had 3 appointments every week at the VA and they watched him die. 4 specialist doctors that he was seeing... uuum... There is no way 4 specialists couldn't diagnose my husbands non-hodgkins lymphoma. They knew. The VA doctors watched his health deteriorate in 3 months.

When I couldn't lift my husband to try to put him my car - I told him "you know what I have to do. Right" He shook his head yes. I called 911 and when Den was in a bed in the ER the first doctor that walked in took one look at Den and said: "Mr. Davis, you are dying. I think you have cancer and I think it's everywhere in your body." I told the ER doctor we were in the VA Emergency room 2 days ago after Dens appt with the liver doctor. They both said Den was doing good. I handed them a letter (that I will post after I scan it) begging the doctors to help my husband because he was dying! I gave a similar letter to every doctor Den had an appt with.

12 hours after Den was admitted into Carolinas Medical Center the doctor said: I was right. I knew by looking at him that he was dying of cancer. He dided from non-hodkins lymphoma. The most rapidly growing cancer ... but... the most treatable. He initally went to the VA doctor for a lump on his neck. That was the place where Non Hodkins Lymphoma starts. They ignored his neck tumor and watched him get weaker and weaker and one of the doctspecialists told me: We practice what is now called: "Obama Care". The Government Health Care Reform will be the same as the VA. And that doctor was so proud.

Den had a biopsy scheldued the day after he died. 3 months after he went to the doctor for a lump on his neck.

My Husband

Yup. The VA threw him away. He should be alive. He trusted the VA over our regular health insurance. He should be here with his wife and children. We were I guess you could say- "lucky that we were told - get our children up here - we need to say goodbye". I still can't hardly remember telling my husband of 25 years-goodbye-forever. He was totally coherant. He told me earlier that day that Jesus was in his room. The day before he told me angels were in his room. I told his nurses he was hallucinating. He couldn't have heard me but told me when I got back that he wasn't. Hours before things went downhill with Den, he looked at me and said: DON'T GO BALLISTIC MARLENE!!! DON'T GO BALLISTIC !!! I looked at him and said: I'm not sweetie. Everything is OK. I'm fine and you are fine. He tried to tell me for a couple days. I understand now. I didn't then. I wish I did know what he was trying to tell me. I miss him sooooo much. My heart and our 3 childrens hearts are so broken. And we are losing our house and will be homeless soon.

Last year

The last 12 months have been the worst nightmare for my children and myself. My husband passed away from cancer 12 days after being diagnosed. His body was totally ravished with cancer. It was in every organ, totally covering his spine, his back and hips were broke because his body was full of cancer. He was a Military veteran and when he noticed a lump on his neck he went to the VA clinic. They witnessed Den transform from a healthy man into a man in the last stages of cancer and threw him away. He Died on December 22, 2009. He was buried on his birthday, December 28, 2009. He finally agreed to let me call 911. I couldn't get him to stand up to drive him 1 hour to the VA. In three months time he was this person. He died of non-Hodkins Lymphoma. The most rapid growing cancer-but the most treatable. If the VA doctors (4 specialists) gave a shit about him he would be alive. They told me: Welcome to Obamacare. I will post the next picture- 3 months later...

Hey Bloggers

I am doing a good job, (I think being mom and dad since my husband passed away). I kinda fixed one of our toilets and kinda (but not really), turned our lawn mower on. (Ok a kid turned it on and cut the grass for me. He told me I shouldn't wear flip flops if I ever cut the grass). I felt proud of my self because I almost cut the grass! I kinda learnt how to check the oil in my car. I stopped on my way home from work because my car sounded funny. I found the dip stick and looked at it and thought my oil was empty. I walked the parking lot until I found a man in his car and asked him if my oil was empty. He said no. He walked me back to my car and sat in the drivers seat and drove the parking lot for a couple minutes to try to figure out what could be wrong. He couldn't figure out the problem. Then he did! He did something and asked me: is this how your car sounded? I SAID YES!!! He said: you were driving in your second gear and not in drive. WOW. I was so grateful! There are good people out there!

AMAZING

I will share our experiences the last 2 days of Dens life that will make you a BELIEVER! Major chill bumps. Stay tuned!

I am ready to start blogging again

I noticed I lost basically all of my blog followers. I expected that. I used to be fun, funny, had great stories... then 2009 was a nightmare. Nightmare isn't a strong enough word...

Maybe devistating... I felt like my heart was ripped out of my body... How am I suppose to be strong for my kids when I've always been the sweet, understanding, loving-but... weak parent when it came to most of lifes issues because... I had my rock to lean on and handle the major things in life.

Sharing my feeling will help me heal and move on. Thank-you in advance for listening. (OK-I'm pretending I still have readers all over the world) HAHA

Im scared

My children and I will be homeless in December. Im so scared.

I am back.

I am sharing my life after a long break because it will help me heal. I have always blogged funny stories and tried to be fun and make my followers smile with my stories.

I will try to share with ya'll the worst year of my life. I still can't believe my husband of 25 years died of cancer 12 days after he was diagnosed. The veterans medical office in Charlotte and the specialists in Salisbury an hour away watched my husband get sicker and sicker and let him suffer more than anyone could imagine. I wrote letters to the specialists the night before his appointments begging the doctors to help my husband-I also told them in person: "look at my husband! Can't you see he is dying!!!" How can 4 specialists ignore Dens symptons and say, hes OK. 4 specilists doctors cant all be ignorant. On December 7th I drove Den to Salisbury VA for an appointment with the liver doctor. Den could not get out of his wheelchair because he was in so much pain and wasnt able to eat for many days. Dens stomach looked like he was 9 months pregnant. The doctor said hes in good shape. I wheeled him down the hall to the VA emergency room. Den cried - we waited 6 hours to see the doctor. He said: all of Dens doctors are happy with his progress. Two days later Den had another doctor appointment. He lived on our first floor in a recliner. He couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. I helped him... You know. TMI
2 days after his doctor appointment and the VA emergency room at the VA he had another doctor appointment. I tried to dress him but he couldnt stand up when I tried to put his pants on. I looked at my husband face to face and said: You know it's time. You know what I have to do. He shook his head, yes.

I called 911 and when he was in the emergency room the doctor took one look at Den and said: Mr Davis, you are knocking on deaths door and I think you have cancer, everywhere, your stomach is so huge, I believe that its tumors.
Den wanted to go to the VA even though we had health insurance. He believed the VA would take care of him better than any other doctors because he served our country.
12 days after Den was admitted in the hospital he died. Non-hodgkins lymphoma. The most rapidly growing cancer but the most treatable cancer. He went the the doctor initally because he had a groth on his neck. He was told: it's a sebaceous cyst. The day after he died he was scheduled for a biopsy.
Den was let go from his job after he missed work for a month and we lost all of his benefits and life insurance. He paid on a life insurance policy for over twenty years that negligent 2 months before he got sick and used the equity to help pay our bills.

Bottom line: my parents said they will pay my house payments for 1 year. I work 2 jobs and can pay our other bills but sometimes I can't afford extras like food.
We will be homeless in December and will have to move 500 miles away and live in my parents basement. My children will be destroyed. I havent told them yet. God help me

Hey Ya'll

I may start blogging again to help me express my feelings and accept my devistating loss. I know I need to share my feelings one way or another so I guess I'm back.

The worst year of my life!

I have experienced the worst year of my life. I lost my husband suddenly on Dec 22nd.

I'm so sad. I will share more soon.