Marlene is blogging!

Hello World!
I'm ready to start blogging again! I need feedback!
Where do I start?
Maybe I will share with ya'll the past year updates that I will put in the Christmas Cards I will send to my friends and family. You know. Those typed letters that brag about how wonderful our life is and how damn smart my kids are.  Well - get ready! We have had an amazing year!

WHO WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT OUR YEAR?

Merry Christmas!
I wish all of my friends, enemies and family a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! What a year we have had!!!

Hello y'all

Hello Again!

Hello!

I wish someone would leave me a comment. I need a reason to continue my blog. If anyone wants to hear about my life, my ghosts, etc... leave me a comment. If nobody is interested then I will stop. I would like to hear from anyone that has experienced paranormal activity. It isn't mean apparitions. A lot of "shadow people", and objects moved around but not in my presence. I am not afraid of them. Mostly curious. One of my sons has witnessed many things and he is terrified to be alone. He is almost 18 yrs old. Any advice?

Miserable Monday?

Hello. Dear Lord, it's now Tuesday.

Why can't I sleep?
Could it be the poltergeist? I am not afraid of the "friendly ghosts", but please STOP SCARING MY CHILDREN! I just want and need to get sleep.

I ignore them. My 17 yr old boys (especially one), cannot sleep either. How can I get them out of my house? Honestly, I am scared a lot also. I am afraid to walk down the stairs in the morning because I know our furniture will probably be upside down and our kitchen table might be balanced on one leg and that is impossible.

Suggestions anyone?

Happy Friday

I hope everyone is having a happy, healthy Friday.

I can't stop thinking about Japan and the devastating heartbreak they are experiencing. Japanese people are sooo different from Americans. When Hurricane Katrina destroyed much of New Orleans, Louisiana, the city and survivors were terrorized by thugs with guns and the stores were looted and so many people lost their lives. The sad part is that they were hopeless. Hundreds of residents did not evacuate. They were told to "get out", "leave". Many chose to stay and many didn't have transportation to evacuate.

Every news channel, local and national agree that the Japanese people are the most humble, gracious, non violent people in the world. They are not looting the stores, they are not killing each other, MY GOD, 150 Japanese hero's are willing to give their lives and die to stop the radiation leaks.

Devistation

All national news stations agree that the Japanese people are the most gracious, humble people. No reports of looting or shootings. They are amazing people. We must all pray for them.

Finally Friday

Please pray for Japan and the lives lost.

Wednesday

Welcome to Wednesday. "Over the Hump Day". Whoever came up with that saying must live in a desert with camels. It doesnt make sense to me. I would say: Well, we made it to Wednesday. Only 2 more Wonderful days of Work until the Weekend.

I planned on sharing a lot more but decided some of my thoughts and experiences probably weren't appropriate. I gotta keep it clean.

OH MY GOD

I almost had my very old cat KOKOMO put to sleep forever today because I thought she lost all control of her bowels. Before we left for the vet I realized it was Minnie! My 3 pound chiuwawa.

Hey

Today has been a better day. I guess I will continue sharing my thoughts and feelings, just not tonight. I have lots to share. But not tonight. I'm too tired

I'm having a very rough day

I miss him so much. I can't believe he was here one minute and then left us forever. I need him so much. Our children need him. I don't know how to handle being a single parent. Especially when it comes to our boys.

They don't have a male role model in their life. Many of Dens friends told me they will mentor our boys-be like a big brother to them-guide them-hang out with them. No one followed thru with their promises. I'm not sad for me. I'm sad for our boys.

Well...

What should I do? Writing in my blog helps me share my feelings. But... I think it's time to close it down. I appreciate everyone who reads my blog but - nobody leaves comments. I think I will start a journal and eventually write a book about our unbelievable experience - and how the VA Medical "Specialists", change medical records, smile and tell a veteran that he is in good shape- 14 days before he died even tho the specialist smiled and ignored my letter telling him my husband is dying and should have known that his stomach was huge because his liver was so full of tumors that he wasnt able to eat for weeks. He couldnt walk-because his spine and hips were broke because the tumors were everywhere. Dens pain was so unbelievabley beyond imagination, he couldn't walk to the bathroom. I finally called 911 and when the ER doctor took one look at Den he told him: your dying, I am sure you have cancer and it has spread thru your intire body. I didnt know until I got him to a real hospital. And 4 VA specialists were... what? They knew. They threw my husband away. The hospital records were altered, so many lies, so, so, so many things deleated. 4 specialists, and a primary doctor saw my husband go from a healthy man - ignored the lump on his neck- (called it a sebaceous cyst), and in a 3 month period, Den went from good health - then died from Non-hodgkins Lymphoma. The lump in his neck was suppose to be biopsied the day after he died. His cancer is the most rapidly spreading cancer-but the most treatable. The real doctors at Carolina Medical Center told us: if he went to the doctor 3 months ago he would have been cured. We told that dr that he did go to the dr for the lump on his neck 3 months ago and 4 specialists told us it was a cyst and they watched him die-they let him die and I tried to get an attorney to represent me in a wrongful death suit- the attorney prepared me. Dens records were altered, many items deleated. PAINFUL LIES!!! One doctor wrote that Den was "obese", that was 15 days before he died and had lost 60 pounds and the damn Liver Specialist that wrote that knew that Dens stomach was huge and needed a low calorie diet. Den couldn't walk or get out of his wheelchair at this point. The dr didn't tell us Den needed a diet. He told us Den was fine. The liver doctor had to know that Dens stomach was so swollen because it was his liver that should be the size of your fist and his was the size of a 8 month pregnant lady-it was his liver tumors. I'm done. I will stop blogging for now and maybe forever

It's almost my birthday

In 2 hours it will be my birthday. It's not a big deal to me. My fabulous bonus daughter Jenn, started sending her birthday wishes and love to me tonight. My daughter Nicole, the second oldest also remembered. I kinda gave my 17 yr old twins a few hints so they wouldn't feel bad if they forgot. It's honestly not a big deal if everybody I work with and all of my neighbors don't remember. Eventually. Maybe

Hello-Welcome to Terrible Tuesday

Tuesdays suck.

My heart is hurting for the 4 Americans that were on the dream of a lifetime-yachting around the world sharing love and bibles. They were high jacked by Somalia pirates - sadly they accidentally sailed into their dangerous waters and they were murdered. Why? Why did they murder innocent, good people? Why? Why?

Happy Miserable Monday

I had a marvelous, (not), miserable Monday. I had a coughing spell and threw up in my waste basket. My boss walked by and witnessed my, (issue), and did the same. Except she didn't have a waste basket. I didn't see her the rest of the day. I shouldn't get in trouble for that. Right?

If your extremely loud fire alarm goes off at work and you work on the 3rd floor and you adorable blond boss who is a ***yer, tells you it's OK. It smells like the furnace, don't worry about it. Then when the firefighters show up with all their gear on and holding their big axes? ratches? big things that can tear a door down - when they walk into your office and point to the ear piercing fire alarm and point to you and say: do you know why that alarm is going off? DO NOT SAY: YOU DON'T KNOW EITHER? Some people are not very nice. I told him my boss said it was probably the furnace. He looked kinda mad or something. So I gathered my belongings, went into the hall, pressed the elevator button and there was actually an explosion in my building that day. It wasn't a fire, it was the furnace that was making the smell. The explosion happened when the mean firefighter saw me on the elevator as the door was closing. Why are some people so mean?

; - (

Missing Den. I can't believe hes gone. I need him. I don't understand. I just don't know why he's not here. I am so mad at myself-why didn't I do something sooner? I can't believe hes gone.

His friends and my friends were very supportive for 2 weeks. Including my entire family-except for Jenn, my bonus daughter. No phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages. Nothing. I really can't blame them. They never lost their spouse. But a text message one a month would be nice. Den's oldest daughter from a previous marriage is my rock.

This is my life now.

I love my childen

I feel so blessed to have 3 wonderful children. My oldest is my bonus daughter Jenn. She is in her 30's. Next, I gave birth to my daughter Nicole, she is 22 yrs old and engaged to Runderful Ryan. (remember the turkey crashed thru his car windshield)? He is a great man. They live in sin together in a nice house that Ryan bought.

My twin boys, Nick and Alex will be 18 in June. I can't believe they are that old! I think I am doing a good job being their mother and father since their dad died. There have been a few "bumps" in the road this past year but nothing too serious. They are both out of...

To be continued..............

My baby...

I would like to introduce everyone to my baby girl. Her name is Minnie. She is a teacup chihuahua. I adopted her a month after Denny died. He hated little dogs.

She rescued me. I rescued my dog Shyann from a horrible shelter, but Minnie rescued me! She has brought so much joy to my life! She was 1/2 pound when I bought her. Yes, I bought her...

And no, she was not on sale! She was expensive and worth every penny. She has amazing hearing! I love her sooo much! Not only is Minnie gifted with excellent hearing but she also has an amazingly long tongue! I am used to wearing nose plugs now!

I would love to hear some feedback! I enjoy writing my blog but if nobody comments then I guess nobody cares if I stop my blog.

I am looking for some new rats. I don't know if I mentioned that Popeye- (my one eyed rat) and Horehay passed away a year ago. My daughter told me I can get a couple little rats from Russia at a pet store one hour away. I'm thinking about it. I miss my rats. They are awesome pets. They are not sewer rats! My rats were taken to the vet several times to have their top teeth trimmed so they could close their mouth.

Frienemies

The definition of a "Frienemies": a friend that gets trashed and sends mean drunken text messages that accuse the recipient of: wHWY re MILE bbbEYii lpEH. Humm... makes you wonder if that person is bi-polar or maybe has multiple personalities. Or just really drunk. What do you think?

Yippie!

I'm back! Thanks to my nephew for fixing my computer! I have soooo much to share and I don't know where to begin.

I will resume my contests.

I have new topics:

The stupidest fax: Please let me know if you don't get this fax. (Yup I got it today at work today).

One of my favorite names I processed today at my law firm: Phonginphesough. That is the first name. Enough said.

OK

OK. Now that I have that off of my chest I will move on to the fun stuff again. Not tonight. It's 4:00 am. I screwed my Saturday because I took a long nap after work.

One More Post from me

I have a lot of guilt that I am trying to deal with. I knew Den was sick and getting sicker. I knew Den had faith in the VA. He had Major Medical insurance thru his company and his primary care doctors offices were 5 minutes away. The VA specialists were an hour drive away. I drove him the hour drive to the Salisbury appointments and I now know he cried because his spine and hips were broken because they were eaten up with cancer.

I should have followed my instincts and my amazing unbelievable friends, Mark and Lorie and called 911 weeks earlier. Why didn't I do what they told me what I must do? Mark told me what I needed to do. I didn't.

I am so very blessed to have friends like Mark and Lorie Williams. They are a gift from God. Lorie stayed with me, she slept on a cot next to Dens bed so she would be there for me the night we said goodbye to Den. Our children went home and Den was given massive morphine so he would sleep-all the machines were unplugged and I was able to climb in bed with him and hold him and snuggle with him for the last time. The nurses told me what to expect. His breathing with get slower etc... I had Lorie on a cot next to me and Dens bed and that gave me so much comfort. I held him all night and told him how much I loved him and told him how I was so proud of him and thanked him for being a great husband and father. He was unconscious and close to death at that time but he heard me and moaned. I know not many people get to say goodbye and hold their loved one as they pass away - but it still hurts soo bad. I remember holding Den in my arms and one hand was on his neck and the pulse in his neck stopped. I pressed the nurse button and she came in and and checked his blood pressure and she said he doesn't have a blood pressure anymore but his heart hasn't stopped yet. It will stop any minute. I cannot finish this tonight. Too painful

Hey Blog Followers

I just wanted to thank my new blog followers - not only the 16 in North America, but also the 7 people in Russia, the 1 person in Spain and the 1 person in Croatia. I'm back!

Hey Ya'll

I so do not like drama. I like watching it however. I LOVE watching the Real Housewives reality shows. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills might be my favorite so far. They are the richest, (pampered bitches), of all of the other Real Housewives. I do love Atlanta Housewives , New York Housewives and New Jersey as well.
I guess the reason my favorite is the Beverly Hills ladies is because they are so wealthy. Two nights ago when poor Charlie Sheen had another marathon alcohol and drug marathon, "according to TMZ", Charlie got a bad tummy ache. One of his "special friends that is an actress in not-for-TV-movies", called Charlies next door neighbor, who is a doctor and his wife is one the of the "real housewives"! How lucky is Charlie? OK.

I like seeing how the rich live. I have had a comfortable life and never in a million years could I imagine I would be a sudden widow with 4 children and the thousands of dollars we paid in life insurance for over 20 years - this is so painful to say - I didn't know - Dens policy was cancelled 2 months before his sudden death. When you don't pay the monthy premium, (over $100.00 for over 20 years), the insurance company uses your equity as payments and you can also borrow some of the equity, but when the equity is gone and you stop making the payments, you no longer have $150,000.00 in life insurance in case your husband dies suddenly. Sometimes, the spouse doesn't even know - until its too late. My husband did his best to support me and our children. His job was effected by our economy. He sold Cadillacs. People needed money for food and their mortgage payments. Their are needs and wants. Cadillacs are wants.

So, I don't know when our house will be foreclosed. I don't know how I will survive more heartbreak. By that I mean I have found separate homes for my twins. My daughters and my twins sons and I will no longer live together and we will all have to live separately. I don't know where I will live yet but I'm not worried about me. I have been getting social security money for the twins but it ends in May. People keep telling me that I must trust in God. He will take care of us.

When Den was told he was going to die within hours and our children and I had our time with Den to say our goodbyes (it's surreal-it happened so fast-it didn't feel real-I cannot explain the experience). Den told me: "You will be OK-are children will be OK". But, I am so scared. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER AND HOW WILL I SURVIVE WITHOUT MY CHILDREN!!! Den--- I need to know how we will be OK!

I need to read some of my past posts to see what I have shared - I don't want to repeat myself. My husband was an Army Veteran. The VA -4 doctors, specialists thru him away. They watched him die, they let him die.

Hello again

I realize I keep saying I am returning to blogging, but I truely think I am this time. I want to share a picture of the animal that rescued me. (I rescued my dog Shyann, my itty bitty dog Minnie rescued me). Is she the most beautiful dog you have ever seen? She has brought me so much joy since my husband died. And she has really GOOD hearing. I love her so much. She is my shadow. She follows me everywhere I go in the house. Once I stepped on her foot and she screamed so loud that she broke a blood vessel in her eye. Thank God her foot was OK. She was 1/2 pound when I got her and I had to put a sign on my front door: "Please Do The Minnie Shuffle". Do not pick up your feet when you walk in my house. Shuffle-slide your feet when you walk. And: "NO, IT IS NOT A RAT, IT'S MINNIE" If you have read my previous posts you know I loved my pet rats: Popeye-my one eyed rat and Horehey-I just liked the saying his name. They passed away last summer. Rats as well as other rodents don't live long. Thats so sad. They were awesome pets. Very loving, never tried to bite me. They would lick me just like a dog. Popeye's surgery to remove his eye that was chewed out by a bad ummm... evil bi-polar rat cost $400.00 dollars! He was a gift to me from from my daughter Nicole who gave him to me for Christmas and she had to sign papers saying she would not feed him to a snake. I would love to hear about your favorite animals. My old cat Kokomo is 18 yrs old and thinks she is a dog. She won't use her litter box- she will only use puppy pads. And she only eats dog food. I swear when she meows it sounds like a dog barking. I'm thinking she has multiple personalities. Stay tuned. I have a lot more info to share!