Hey Ya'll

I so do not like drama. I like watching it however. I LOVE watching the Real Housewives reality shows. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills might be my favorite so far. They are the richest, (pampered bitches), of all of the other Real Housewives. I do love Atlanta Housewives , New York Housewives and New Jersey as well.
I guess the reason my favorite is the Beverly Hills ladies is because they are so wealthy. Two nights ago when poor Charlie Sheen had another marathon alcohol and drug marathon, "according to TMZ", Charlie got a bad tummy ache. One of his "special friends that is an actress in not-for-TV-movies", called Charlies next door neighbor, who is a doctor and his wife is one the of the "real housewives"! How lucky is Charlie? OK.

I like seeing how the rich live. I have had a comfortable life and never in a million years could I imagine I would be a sudden widow with 4 children and the thousands of dollars we paid in life insurance for over 20 years - this is so painful to say - I didn't know - Dens policy was cancelled 2 months before his sudden death. When you don't pay the monthy premium, (over $100.00 for over 20 years), the insurance company uses your equity as payments and you can also borrow some of the equity, but when the equity is gone and you stop making the payments, you no longer have $150,000.00 in life insurance in case your husband dies suddenly. Sometimes, the spouse doesn't even know - until its too late. My husband did his best to support me and our children. His job was effected by our economy. He sold Cadillacs. People needed money for food and their mortgage payments. Their are needs and wants. Cadillacs are wants.

So, I don't know when our house will be foreclosed. I don't know how I will survive more heartbreak. By that I mean I have found separate homes for my twins. My daughters and my twins sons and I will no longer live together and we will all have to live separately. I don't know where I will live yet but I'm not worried about me. I have been getting social security money for the twins but it ends in May. People keep telling me that I must trust in God. He will take care of us.

When Den was told he was going to die within hours and our children and I had our time with Den to say our goodbyes (it's surreal-it happened so fast-it didn't feel real-I cannot explain the experience). Den told me: "You will be OK-are children will be OK". But, I am so scared. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER AND HOW WILL I SURVIVE WITHOUT MY CHILDREN!!! Den--- I need to know how we will be OK!

I need to read some of my past posts to see what I have shared - I don't want to repeat myself. My husband was an Army Veteran. The VA -4 doctors, specialists thru him away. They watched him die, they let him die.